South Austin Kid

I am sitting in a tropical jungle setting with someone who is a cross between my best girlfriend and my sister when an unknown guy gurfuffels about a mis-spelling of "kumquat."
"Why? How is it spelled?" asks this Karen::Victoria person.
"k-u-m-p-a-t-q-u-a-t ... kumpatquat," says the guy.
"That's not wrong," I say.
"WHAT!?"
"It's not wrong.  That's the revered space for women of a certain age in these parts," says Karen::Victoria.
"Yes.  It's true," I say, "It's the space set aside for women to have creative breaths in their lives."

Next I know, I am in a wide ravine area playing some form of tennis.  The court is somewhat marshy and my opponent is unnecessarily aggressive.  Also, I am playing handball style, but my opponent is serving with a fine meshed grill of similar style to what would be used for grilling meat over flame.  After a few inappropriately hard serves, I leave the court.  I have to walk up a steep ravine to get out of the court area and as I am walking up a group of old tourons is walking down the ravine.  An old man leans toward me and I brace myself so as not to fall backward.  He leans against me, "I'm dying," he gasps.
"No you aren't!" I tell him.
Then he falls on me. Dead.  His hands instantly begin to atrophy.
I wake up totally grossed out.

Then, I get up and decide to make egg breakfast tacos because I went to bed at 9 pm and it is now 6:30 am and I am ravenous.  When I get into the kitchen I see that sugar ants have set up armaments along the edge of our kitchen sink.  I make eggs anyway, but can't eat them.  Because I am now grossed out three times in two dimensions.  The dead guy.  The eggs.  The ants.

Erich gets up and bombards the kitchen with 409 cleaner.  He does this before he has coffee.  In his underpants.  That is the one action of the morning (besides the idea of a culture having a word for a woman's sacred space for creativity) that didn't totally gross me out. 

This morning I spent a couple of hours feeling so sad it was painful to the point that I apologized to Arwen, because I am sure she can feel emotions of depression as much as emotions of joy.  This is the first time I've felt truly depressed since December.  I curled up in our pillows, dragged Gypsy-cat into the crux of my tummy and fluctuated between crying and reading this month's Saveur magazine and just staring into space.  After a while, E came in and held me.  I wanted to just stay in bed all day, but forced myself to get up and move about. 

After keeping Erich company while he changed the oil in the car, we headed out to my mom's place and helped her stake out solar north for the straw bale house she is preparing to build.  As it turns out, she likes the more north-westerly directional layout she presently has staked out so she didn't need our help re-situating building stakes afterall, but it was good to get out into the country.  It was also the first time Jack had been out there and he ran around the property like a banshee - even swimming in the red clay mud pit pond that sits at the end of her land.  After helping her water some plantings and talking about a few floor plan changes, Erich pulled out his airsoft gun and some Coke cans so we could do some target shooting.  Mom shot the gun too and I couldn't believe her aim.   Even with holding the gun askew, she took out each can on the first shot.  E commented on her aim and she said, "Well, like Scarlett O'Hara said, 'I can shot straight, if I don't have to shot too far!'"  E & I shot some more while she roamed around a bit.  After a few minutes, she called to us.  Under a tiny oak tree a newborn fawn was curled up, looking terrified.  No one, including Jack, had noticed the fawn or any other deer in the hour or so we had been on the property so we figure our arrival must have scared off the mother deer.  After seeing the fawn (and taking its picture) we quickly left so its mother might return for its protection.

Although I love being back in Texas, I think I am still somewhat at odds with being here and I think that's is part of where this morning's out-of-the-blue blues came from.  It was not something I expected, but I realize now that I fell in love with Brooklyn and being gone, while good in many ways, has been a bit of a shock.  The relocation has been the kind of break-up that needed to be made, but tears your heart out in the quite moments before dawn.  Part of the heartache derives from one of the major reasons I wanted to return  to Austin:  I had visions of being around family a great deal and deepening those relationships.  The reality is we don't see family too much and the time together isn't as close as I'd hoped for.  I know we haven't been back all that long and are still working out routines, but it's just not the closeness I expected.  None of that is bad, just different than the reality I envisioned.  But that's the thing about life - it never turns out the way you expect.
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The last couple weeks have been filled with crazy changes on the job front.  Two weeks ago today, I received an email asking if I'd like to apply for a Program Coordinator position at the University of Texas.  This request came totally out of the blue, but as a referral from a former co-worker, and less than a week later I was offered the job.  It is a fantastic opportunity with loads of growth potential so I couldn't refuse.  I started the new job on Monday and have been going full steam since I opened my first email.  This is the first breather I've had in four days.  

This morning::last night at about 1 a.m we were getting ready for bed and Arwen's movement was different than I've felt so far. I pressed my hand to my lower belly and felt her moving. Inside and outside! I hollered to Erich, "Erich! Get in here. You can feel her. Arwen is moving so much."
I laid on the bed so my belly would be more accessible and he pressed his hand where mine was. Within about 3 seconds he had the most amazed expression on his face.
"That's not you?"
"No!! It is all her."
"Really?"
"Yes!"
"Oh my God!? What does it feel like?"
I told him it felt the way it did to him, but from the inside. This morning she moved a little more and he asked again how it felt. I told him the same, but he said, "No, how does it make you feel?"

It is a feeling that can't be described. It is pure love and the calm of total unknown. For me, feeling Arwen for the first time, from inside and out, was a moment of perfect balance. I want to put more precise words on the moment, but I can't find any words but perfect balance.

I am thrilled to report that our Brooklyn born and raised dog loves the outdoors. It is true, he's not quite two so the outdoors is not like a proverbial "new trick" for an "old dog," but there was a good chance he wouldn't dig nature. His first experience with creeks led to him falling into water over his head. Four times. In the same spot. Thus, he's a bit cautious, but very game.

Yesterday evening, we took Jack out for a hike on the Greenbelt. This area is a very popular hike & bike trail, which has numerous swimming holes, drawing dozens of UT students this time of year. There is much flirting, drinking of beers from styrofoam coolers and the air is often scented with an herbal essence. With the students come a range of mutts, all chasing each other and swimming - all of whom Jack wanted desperately to be very-best-friends with. Finally, we came to a more secluded stretch of creek and I went in for a swim. Jack was so curious that he couldn't help but overcome a bit of his cautiousness. E got the evening swim on video.

When you watch the video, observe Jack's tail. Who's the happy boy!?

I had been excitedly flipping through the Butter issue of Saveur Magazine when I came upon a brioche a Tete recipe.  I have always wanted to make brioche, but felt it was probably far to complicated for my baking abilities.  This recipe seemed simple and forgiving so I decided to try it out.  Four cups of flour incorporated to 4 eggs, 1 1/2 sticks of butter and 1/3 C milk seemed a bit excessive (I would think you'd want closer to 2 C of flour for that ratio), but I figured they had tested the recipe and I should go with it as I don't have a plethora of baking experience.  I followed the instructions and was soon pouring the milk-yeast mixture and sliced butter into the flour, which was nestled in the bowl of my Kitchen Aid standing mixer.  I flipped on the mixer and it almost immediately, nearly ground to a halt.  I knew I should have followed my instincts - incorporating flour until the dough just came together to form a lusty, yeasty scented ball of joy.  I wasn't about to waste the raw ingredients so I decided to let the dough rise and see what the outcome would be.

In the end, the dough didn't come close to doubling in size.  In fact, it barely rose at all.  But, I decided to bake it off anyway.  I turned the rock of dough out onto the counter and formed a long dough roll, which I sliced into about 12 sections and baked at 350 til golden (about 25 minutes).  While the dough was baking, I checked my Joy of Cooking cookbook.  The brioche recipe within that book calls for approximately 2 C flour, 3 eggs and about 1 1/2 C milk.  Take that Saveur.  In the end, they tasted like buttery, crumbly biscuits.  Not bad at all, especially with nice raspberry jam.  I froze 8 or so biscuits and will soon thaw them for crumbly strawberry shortcake.

Regardless of this recipe incident (which I need to report ot Saveur), I am still going to subscribe to the magazine as it holds glorious photos and stories about food across the world.  Next time I use a recipe, however, I will follow my instincts if anything seems out of place.

Last night I found myself curled up, more or less, in fetal position and was thrilled to find that the position relieved my breasts of soreness and allowed my belly to proper support with the aid of half a pillow.  I have not read anywhere that this is a good position, but am thrilled to discover it works for me!

The cat has also returned to wanting to sleep in the curve of my belly or draped over my side.  Usually if I turn inward, toward te center of the bed, she'll leave me alone.  It is as if being wedged between me and E is just too much for her.  However, in this morning's early hours, I turned inward toward E and she immediately moved so that she would still be situated near my belly.  Even though that put her back paws half in the air.  Ridiculous.

just wanted to say hi i love this place they call austin ... they got me a big yard that i slove to sleep in during the day but like to run circles and chase squirrels and tennis balls too ... but really like the rug erich put under the back window ... also i like to bury myslef in the leaves near the neighbors fence ... yeah ... those r a nice pillow ---- oh and i like riding in the car now after that 3 day trip to this place called austin every trip seems short ... we wnet to someplace called boyd texas ... erichs uncle lives there with a whole pack of small dogs that have horns ... oh i wanted to play with them but wasn't allowed and everyone kept calling those dogs goats ... but there were other dogs i got to play with and 1 real cute girl dog named maggie ... she took me on a run ... everyone yelled for us ... i turned back to the house but could tell she really wanted to go further down the road ... oh and erichs mom came to visit i really like her ... she let me sleep with her every night ... katis mom doesnt like me as much but i figure if i keep licking her hand shell come to like me .... oh and i got to go swimming ... theres this lake here and we walk around it alot ... im a pretty good walker now except i really love the water and forget sometimes to walk straight because i really want to swim but - yeah - theres this part called the spillway and all the big dogs go there and i love it ... i was so happy after going there and swimming that in the evening i just smiled so much and made happy sounds and kati keeps telling people it was like i was giggling ... not sure what that means but boy i love swimming.
 
so yeah ... thats whats happeneing here ... oh and katis belly is changing and i think something is in it ... they keep saying something about a baby coming but i think they are confused because every day it is just us and the cat
 
hope yous guys are good and thanks for helping me find kati and erich ... oh even gypsy seems to almost like me now ... shes a funny cat ... 
 
jack

(Note sent to Mighty Mutts rescue volunteers)

The last two nights, I've had the worst time getting to sleep.  Between my belly increasing in girth and my breasts getting sore it is all I can do to carefully prop up pillows and hope to fall asleep before the cat tries to walk across me!  E thinks it is really cool how my boobs have changed (and I must say they are lovely), but they are nothing but sore!  The soreness has only started over the last couple days, but it started with a vengeance.  When I stretch my arms out or up I feel soreness at the sides of my breasts.  If I get a hug, the front of my breasts are sore.  If I lie on my back, gravity pulls my breasts and they feel sore.  Basically, all I can do is sit upright with my hands to the sides.  Then.  No soreness.  This has all started during this 17th week of pregnancy which means I have another 19 weeks or so to get used to the growing pains.  Regardless, I still feel great and full of energy so as long as the dog can refrain from accidentally head butting me in the chest while we play tag everything will be okay.

 

We went by Wildflower Organics near Lamar & 6th this weekend and checked out their Stokke pieces.  The swanky, round wonderfulness that is Stokke was displayed in all its glory, but everything in the place was so over the top that I couldn't bear buying our (admittedly yuppie) crib from that store.  It was just so all organic and 3 paychecks for a pillow.  The final straw was when the owner declared that we must come back in to look at non-toxic paint because "you just can't be too careful with your baby."  This afternoon we went into Austin Baby Store which is located in South Austin, near our old neighborhood.  It is a store for babes, owned and operated by moms.  Very down to earth, friendly and approachable.  Also, they keep their prices closer to wholesale than anyone else.  They had a the Stokke mini (aka basinet) on display with a handwritten sign laying out their price breakdown, which is rather complicated since the basinet/crib/toddler bed can be purchased as a set or as separate components.  We went ahead and ordered the sleepi mini and crib, including mattresses for $920 with tax - we had seen prices up to $1200 plus tax in New York.  Even at $920 it seems like a huge price tag (and it is more than I ever dreamed of spending on a crib), but it will grow with our baby until about age 6 so I think it is an excellent long term value.  Also, the luxury of being able to buy a Sleepi is thanks to an incredibly generous birthday gift from E's parents.  If it weren't for them, we would be looking at used cribs on craigslist.  I think we will put the rest of their gift toward a washer so we can be ready for cloth diapers ... that or a 1/2 gal of non-toxic paint. 

Now that we've ordered the crib, I checked on linens for the bed and they sit in a similar high-end price bracket ($149 for one set) so I am going to look for fabric and check into making some bed linens (or convincing E's mom to help me!).  I have not inspected linens for a Sleepi, but I think a great idea would be to make a pillowcase type enclosure for the mattress, which is rather thin, and then just hem up a simple oval of cloth for a top sheet - though I think it may be safer to just snuggle baby in a sleep jumper.

We are *so* excited about the crib and can't wait to set it up - it will arrive at the store in about a week.  Just in time to let baby's ultrasound picture keep it company!  

I have put up baby belly progress pics on our flickr space. This one was taken this morning. In the next couple weeks I should wear a bra when these are taken or my boobs may overtake my belly!

Yesterday afternoon, my boss came into my office with a serious look on his face.  There was definitely something on his mind.  As he entered, he shut the door behind him.  I thought, "oh crap. what's wrong."
Next thing I know, he's going into a long explanation of how if anything he is about to say bothers me to let him know and he won't breech the subject again.  Then, he takes a deep breath.
"This has to do with your pregnancy."
I think, "should I be worried?" but say, "um, okay."
"Well, we have this friend from church ... now if any of this makes you uncomfortable just tell me ... anyway ... she has a breast pump she doesn't need anymore. She wants to sell it and, um, well, I thought you might need one.  It's medical grade so it is a real nice pump."

I hadn't really looked into breast pumps so I did a little research.  Those contraptions get pricey!  Anywhere between $150 and $1,000 so a cut rate milker seems like a viable option.  But.  (I am learning that pregnancy and motherhood are filled with But(s).)  Used breast pumps can contain bacteria which could lead to health issues for Baby.  Thus, one should only consider medical grade pumps that are specifically designed for multi-user.  Multi-user.  Hmm.  I wonder if there are milking parties in which new moms pass around the pump while they sip on gin and tonics.  I could see some laughs out of that.

I told E about the pump and he said, "medical grade, huh?"
"Yeah.  I guess they are safer and also pump at an accelerated rate."
"What if we just go online and get a cow milking station?  We can set it up in the side yard. When you're done I'll just release the gate chute."

E picked his mamasita up from the airport about 1 AM last night this morning.  When she came into the house with E, Jack woke up from a deep sleep and was immediately on guard.  They entered through the front door, not the usual back door.  The gall! Who do they think they are?! The front door.  My God!  Savages.  Furthermore, no one gave him the memo regarding guests!  He had much to say about the intruder, but after a few growls, a couple time-outs, and a dozen or so treats from said intruder he was curled up at her feet.  Licking her toes. 

This morning mamasita was raring to get to work on various house projects we had been discussing with her via recent phone calls.  Ultimately, they decided to paint our riotous blue bathroom and the one wall of our bedroom that is an ode to aqua.  We also have a purple room, but I like it in the same way I like old sofas that keep your ass print waiting for your next visit.  You know there could be something better than that couch, but what's there waiting for you is just so damn comfy.  Back to the paint.  E and mamasita stopped by my office to confirm paint swatches with me.  I selected a lovely shade of sage that I believed would blend well the rest of the sage color in the house.  As it turns out, it blended absolutely perfectly.  Because.  It was exactly the same shade of sage.  After work we headed back to the hardware store and picked out the palest blue above baby blue (Ice Rink Blue is its name - in case you're wondering what one shade deeper than baby blue is) as we decided the super pale blue would contrast nicely with the sage.  Upon returning to the house they primed the bathroom with a second coat of paint because the "only need one coat" primer sucked so much ass that the Vegas blue which covered the bathroom still showed through the first coat of primer.  Interestingly, it showed through as a hue dangerously close to Ice Rink Blue.

I had my second mid-wife visit yesterday afternoon.  It was the first time E got to meet the mid-wife and I am thrilled that he likes her as much as I do.  After a farily lengthy discussion of how everything is progressing (questions ranging from eating patterns to how our relationship is doing) I got to lay down on her table so she could measure my belly.  I laid down with E standing next to me, she pulled out her measuring tape and pressed on my belly to locate the precise measuring start point.  Then.  I started giggling.  I was giggling so hard that everyone else started laughing too.  It took a good 5 minutes to get back to business.  When she finally got the measurement - from the pubic bone to three fingers under my belly button (where the top of my uterus currently resides - and feels like a hard, spongy shelf) - it read 14.5-cm. Next, she applied an aloe gel to my lower belly and started searching for the baby's heartbeat with her dopler fetal heart tone wand.  Almost immediately, I heard a "thud" which I thought was the heartbeat but it turns out it was the baby either punching or kicking.  Next, we heard a low lump-bumping-swooshing sound that was the placenta (presently my placenta is forward and the baby is more back).  Then, we heard a sound closer to a heartbeat, but she said that was the cord.  Finally, she got the heartbeat.  But.  The baby kept moving so it was difficult to hear it for more than a few seconds at a time.  In the end, she got 3 readings: high 120s, mid 130s, and low 150s.  She said the baby is super active for its age and that the varied heartbeats indicate good neurological development.

On Wednesday, I am scheduled to have a Triple Screen blood test which is (from American Pregnancy Association website):

The triple screen is measuring high and low levels of AFP and abnormal levels of hCG and estriol. The results are combined with the mother's age, weight, ethnicity and gestation of pregnancy in order to assess probabilities of potential genetic disorders.

High levels of AFP may suggest that the developing baby has a neural tube defect such as spina bifida or anencephaly. However, the most common reason for elevated AFP levels is inaccurate dating of the pregnancy.

Low levels of AFP and abnormal levels of hCG and estriol may indicate that the developing baby has Trisomy 21( Down syndrome), Trisomy 18 (Edwards Syndrome) or another type of chromosome abnormality.

Although the primary reason for conducting the test is to screen for genetic disorders, the results of the triple screen can also be used to identify:

• A multiples pregnancy
• Pregnancies that are more or less advanced than thought

The idea of this test terrifies me.  I know that the baby is healthy and super active.  I have absolute confidence that there are no problems, yet the idea of this test terrifies me.  It is as if having this simple blood sample will somehow change things or make a healthy fetus abnormal.  The midwife seems lukewarm about the test, but she is wonderful about not trying to influence our decision to have it.  Erich really wants the test, "just to be sure." 

Our trip down from Brooklyn was great.  We managed to miss nearly all the bad weather, but drove through light snow in Arkansas. Erich loves our new house.  E returned this afternoon to loud barking and a scared meter reader as Jack showed his domination over all things in his yard.  Gypsy the Cat enjoys roaming the house, peeking outside, and lounging in a sunny window.

After work, I have a chiropractic visit ... then a nap ... then the first night of SxSW.

We'll unpack another day.

As of Saturday morning I am back in Brooklyn.  It feels like I've been back for a week, but really just less than 30 hours.  When we arrived home from the airport yesterday Erich went into the house first in order to let Jack out of his crate (which Jack had crapped in again - he's been acting out by means of crap deposits since about a week after I left for Austin).  I waited at the slightly open door.  I could hear Jack greeting Erich and romping around a bit.  After a bit, in a normal voice, I said, "hi Jack.  I'm home."  Immediately I heard him bound to the front door and then he jumped up and slammed the door shut. In. My. Face.  I felt so loved.

We are getting close to completing our packing.  The truck arrives tomorrow at 9 AM and we'll have 4 hours to get everything loaded up - trucks aren't allowed to be on NYC streets longer than 4 hours for loading or unloading.  With all those parameters, we are experiencing our first truly organized move.  In the past we had crap pouring out of shopping bags and silverware tossed into larger kitchen boxes because, what the hell, it's going all together anyway.  This time everything is packed securely, including bubble wrap and well labeled boxes. It is all so grown-up.  Almost like we might be ready to consider having a baby or something totally domestic like that. 

We made a trip to U-HAUL yesterday for bubble wrap, boxes, tape, and tie-down rope.  Today we headed over to the Ghetto Home Depot in our neighborhood as we needed a few last packing supplies.  After a few minutes of shopping, Erich decided we should have a basket.  I went in search of one, but couldn't find any in what should have been the basket areas of the store.  I stopped a security guard (four of which wander in front of the Home Depot) and asked, "are the carts hidden away somewhere?"
"Not really."
"So getting one is just random then?"
"Um, no.  They stole 'em all."
I wanted to ask who "they" might be and if the baskets were stolen before or after the security guards were hired, but I just went back to let Erich know we wouldn't be using a basket.

We won't stay here much longer.

I have been gardening, fetching and unloading hay, hanging out with cousins and other family, working, and eating at home at least for dinner and breakfast. I've also been logging about 9 hours sleep each night. All of this excitement has led to some devious behavior. If you go over to our flickr, you'll find that I've been doing some some non-traditional striptease work.

Today marks 12 weeks into my pregnancy. I didn't know for sure if it was psychological or actually physical, but this morning I felt like I had a real baby belly for the first time. The last few weeks have been weird because I know I am with child, but haven't felt that way. It was as if I just had a strange morning flu for a few weeks and then was healthy again. A couple weeks ago the midwife located Zig's heart tone, for the briefest, fraction of a moment I heard a swish-thud. Then nothing. That moment was thrilling and reassured me there was something alive in my uterus (or small intestine!), but nothing in the day to day to mark the life (except increased hunger ... but that's not unusual for me). This morning though. I stood up and my skin. felt. different. It was a teensy bit itchy and more taut. I checked out my profile in the mirror and - lo and behold - it no longer looked like I'd just overeaten for a few days. My belly is actually changing shape. It is all very weird and wonderful and scary and lovely. A baby got in my belly!